Declaration

Dedicated to my son on this, the fifth anniversary of his water baptism

“I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.” ~ Psalm 118:17

I made a declaration, one that I believed I would stand firmly by for the rest of my days.  In fact, at the time there was little I believed with as much assurance.  My daughter had died without the opportunity to fully live. Afterward, I came home to a house and a life where she would never exist in a tangible way.  She had been with me, within me, briefly in my arms and then she was gone.  The pain was too great to imagine a day when it would be absent, as she was.  So I didn’t just say it under my breath or in a hushed voice. I declared it boldly – I was never going to have another child.  My heart couldn’t bear the risk of getting that close, then breaking all over again.  It was a declaration born of fear.

Thankfully, fear did not guide the rest of my story.  However, it was still there two years later on the day that I came home from work and collapsed in a heap of tears, admitting to myself that I did want to have another baby.  Fear raised its ugly head through all the consultations and questions, the three months on bed rest, the wheelchairs and shower seats, and the routine visit to my obstetrician that suddenly became emergency surgery.  And it was still there when my son boldly made his entrance into the world two months early, as I willed him to cry just so that I could hear his voice and know he was real.  Fear was often present, but this time I refused to declare it.

It’s one thing to say something, quite another to declare.  Declaration is clear, emphatic, and explicit.  When you declare you know, and you want others to know as well. Which is why thoughts about this day overwhelm me in the very best way.  Five years ago tonight, on our favorite stretch of hometown beach, the child I was convinced I would never have was baptized surrounded by those who have loved, prayed for, and discipled him.  He died to self and rose with Christ to declare Him the head of his life.  It was a declaration born of faith, not fear.

As I reflect on the beautiful sunset that painted the sky and the cheers filling the salty air that evening, I thank God for humbling my own declaration to make way for Isaiah’s to shine.