In June of 2021, I was asked to be the speaker at our homeschool academy graduation ceremony. Following are the thoughts that I shared that day.
I was seventeen years old when I boarded the plane that would take me three thousand miles from home to begin the first chapter of my adulthood. At the time I believed that childhood was simply the foundation for becoming an adult. I looked at my life as though each passing year had been just a step toward finding my identity. I was convinced that college would be the place where I would learn what I was meant to do and who I was meant to be. I was well acquainted with God, His goodness, faithfulness, and authority, but I thought of Him as separate from myself. Boston University was my destination, and He was just along for the ride.
What I didn’t know was that the next year would indeed prove defining for me, but not at all in the way that I imagined. The truth was that I had left home motivated more by the leaving than by what I was entering into. I was well stocked with enthusiasm and excitement but severely lacking a plan. My academics and some funding from my grandmother got me in the door and I figured the rest of it would work itself out. When I found myself back home within my freshman year, I couldn’t see past the disappointment. I was supposed to be the first in my family to graduate from university. I was supposed to have a successful career as a journalist. I was supposed to prove myself. That was the plan – my plan. Instead, I felt lost and shied away from friends and family to avoid uncomfortable conversations about why I had failed.
In the years that followed, I continued my education, worked meaningful jobs, got married, had two children, started a non-profit organization, produced a powerful documentary short-film, managed a handful of small businesses, advocated for literacy, volunteered in children’s ministry, jumped into homeschooling my son, and pursued a handful of other endeavors, each resulting in its fair share of learning, stretching, stumbling, doubts, mistakes, and growth. But what I learned along the way is that this is simply a list of things that I’ve done. None of these things defines who I am.
Genesis 1:27 tells us that we are created in the image of God. Romans 8:17 says that we are His children and heirs. Isaiah 64:8 describes us as the clay, lovingly shaped by the Heavenly potter. John 15:25 tells us that we are His friends. In Romans 15:7 we are welcomed by Christ. Romans 8:37 says that we are more than conquerors. Matthew 5:14 invites us to be the light of the world. In 1 Peter 2:9 we are described as chosen, royalty, holy, and called to live in light. This is not just a list of what we’ve done or will do. These words define our identity.
I can’t fully express how honored I am to stand here today to encourage each one of you with this truth – that regardless of where your next steps may lead you, what will matter most is not who you are but whose you are. You are created, sculpted, befriended, welcomed, empowered, invited, chosen, and overwhelmingly loved by the One who is above all things. This means that as you walk forward into new choices, relationships, and experiences, there will be thrills and disappointments. There will be challenges and achievements. There will be fears and victories. There will be times when you aren’t sure how you ended up where you’re standing. There will be moments when you wish you could go back and do things differently. And through it all the God who purposefully created you will be there, His gaze always in your direction and His arms eternally outstretched to you. Nothing you can do will ever change that.
As we celebrate you today along with all those who have helped you to arrive at this milestone of high school graduation, I want to leave you with what may be a bit of a different perspective on your parents. One week ago today, I was sitting in the building next door with about thirty other parents attending a conference related to home education. The speaker said something that may have seemed obvious to others in the room, but her words struck me as powerful. She said that our job as parents is not to produce little mini versions of ourselves but to introduce you to the One in whose image you are made so that you can become who He created you to be.
I can say from experience, that this approach is often hard for parents. Not because we don’t want to see you fly, or develop your own unique identity, but because our paths are shaped by our own experiences. We spend most of our energy trying to protect you and lead you away from the mistakes that we’ve made. We want to prevent pain and heartache. We want to control outcomes. We strive to do all the right things, make all the right choices. But there’s no magic that happens in adulthood to prepare us for parenting. The truth is that we don’t do all the right things or make all the right choices. Every day we call upon the same grace and forgiveness from the Lord that you do.
I thought about this at a graduation ceremony a few years ago as I listened to the parents share their hearts with their children. At that time, I began to think through what things I would want my son to hear from his father and I when he graduates. And I think some of those thoughts apply here to you and your families as well. I want him to know that he is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I want him to know that I’m thankful for his grace toward me in my less than stellar moments. And I hope that he understands when he takes this stage, it will be just as much in spite of his parents as it is because of us.
When you leave this place today and walk forward into your next chapter, I pray that you do so with the confidence that you are not where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or who surrounds you. You are not defined by the standards of this world, nor the mistakes you will make in it. You are daughters and sons of the King, fearfully and wonderfully made to impact the world for Christ as only you can. And each one of us in this room is fortunate to stand with you today in witness of your new beginning.
Carrie Joy(ful) 