The Adolescent Marriage

Sixteen.

It makes sense.

Our marriage is often like that rebellious adolescent who thinks he knows everything and then gets put in his place. The one who confidently asks for the keys to Dad’s car and only hours later has to conquer that nervous pit in her stomach to call home after a fender bender.

One thing I’ve learned for certain in the past sixteen years is that marriage is not love. Marriage and love are two very distinctly different entities. At its most pure love is all of the things that the Bible tells us it is — patient and kind, not boastful or proud. It seeks to honor the other not just please itself. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Marriage thrives on these things, but it is not these things, because WE are not these things. Marriage is partnership and sacrifice. It is work, really hard work, and structure. Marriage requires us to show up, not just phone it in. Marriage is what happens AFTER the pomp and circumstance of the wedding day.

Though they are distinct and different, love and marriage are not mutually exclusive. They have a unique relationship, able to exist apart from each other but live and flourish most abundantly together. Usually one plays a more prominent role than the other, depending on what circumstances are faced. Sometimes we need the softness and carefree spirit of love to feed our souls and inspire us to take the next steps forward. Other times, particularly when we face grief and hardship, marriage has to take the lead and be the shoulder we lean our weary selves against, the firm ground that holds us. Love and marriage rely on each other, draw from each other, and together create something new that no other one word can adequately describe.

Sixteen years of marriage is somewhat vague and adolescent. It’s more than the tin of ten years but not quite the silver or gold of twenty-five and fifty. Sixteen has no traditional gift or element to call its own. For me it’s a space of simultaneous gratitude for what has been and hope for what is to be. I know I have a lot more to learn, and I expect to be challenged in the learning.

Today I celebrate love and marriage together, and all of the abundance that they have brought to my life.